In regards to writing, I completely fell off the face of the earth. In regards to real life, I kind of did the same thing last year.
Exactly three months after my last post in this here weblog, my family's house burned down. For those of you lacking math skills, that means on Christmas Day 2011 I woke up to a burning house. Most of you know this and many of you were there supporting me in a lot more ways than I ever expected (thanks) but it's worth mentioning again for the sake of setting up the story of the past two years.
Pretty much everything has changed since that morning. I spent most of 2012 in a drunken haze. I moved twice. Started and ended relationships. Started playing soccer again. Changed cycling teams... twice. Ostensibly quit racing bikes competitively. Don't get me wrong, I had a lot of fun. Probably too much, but things have definitely settled down and have gotten back to my version of normal.
2012 'cross season was a complete wash for me in a competitive sense. I did fewer races than I've ever done in a season, and only really took one weekend seriously. Luckily for me, I actually had decent results that week in Charleston. In my defense, it wasn't simply a lack of motivation that kept me away from racing last year. I was putting more time into school and work than I had before and trying to focus on a long distance relationship. 'Cross just wasn't my primary partner that fall.
The lack of racing left me feeling sort of unfulfilled at the end of the year and, in its own way, left me far more motivated for 2013. I got a road bike again. Actually trained rather than just riding. Dropped 10lbs. and started signing up for races again. The biggest part of my 2013 bike revival was the (second) new team. Joining KindHuman was really the biggest spark that started the fire. I've found a team that motivates me to be a happy and healthy representative of their brand and has a mission with which I identify (like what I gave up at Cycle-Smart) but keeps the local element I had last year with the shop. Racing for Adam and KindHuman has not only been a great motivator for getting fit but he's also grown into one of my best friends.
As usual, the road season was just about scratching a competitive itch and hanging out with my some of favorite people. Results weren't great. I had some decent weekends but I also had near emotional break downs at crits because I just wasn't cutting it. 'Cross is different. Or at least I hope it is. I've been training seriously for 'cross since mid-June, my bikes are dialed and my schedule is set. I'm motivated and I (except for right now since I've done four 12+ hour weeks in a row) I feel fit. Not just fit but nearly violent. I have high hopes for this year (you've heard this story before). I don't expect it to happen immediately but I'm looking for an upgrade before nationals comes to Asheville and I'm hoping to get the collegiate team organized this semester, race competitively in the SECCC and hopefully make a trip out to Denver for nationals in January.
All this comes at a price, though. And, going into my fifth season of cyclocross, it is something that I still struggle with nearly daily. Taking cyclocross super seriously again means that a lot has to go into it. Hours on the bike and an almost equal number of hours behind a windshield. Nights on couches and floors. Solo dance parties in the van. And, ya know, equipment and entry fees... those are the least of my concerns though.
Leaving sucks sometimes. I don't know if it's something I'll ever get used to. It becomes the theme of every playlist I put together at the end of August. Shit, it even inspired a tattoo on my leg (that I got the week before I left on a 500 mile trip for a pair of races). It makes me wonder what I'm missing out on, what I'm skipping to chase this wild ass dream of being a mediocre bike racer. I think the scariest part though, is how much I know it's really worth it. Without this, I know I'd feel like I was missing something.
It's all up from here. This is going to be a good year.
Week 1: CX2013: 0 nights on couches, 2 nights on the floor.
(When I saw Band of Horses, he introduced this song by saying "this song is about fear")
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